


We'll Never Sleep (God Knows We'll Try)

by Water_Nix



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M, Hotels, M/M, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:15:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3932977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Water_Nix/pseuds/Water_Nix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Pig breaks down hours from home and there is only one hotel room available. Because that's how these things work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We'll Never Sleep (God Knows We'll Try)

"I told you we should have taken my car." Ronan stood next to the Pig, arms crossed over his chest, hip popped out lazily. He was admiring the birds in the tree above and seemed perfectly content, like he didn't care that he hadn't been listened to, but he had to make the point regardless. 

The tow truck showed up then and put a stop to whatever Gansey had been about to say. He turned away from his friends and greeted the driver in usual Gansey fashion—pleasantries with the slightest hint of condescension. 

Blue yawned hugely. They'd been driving for hours. It was risky, pushing the Pig for so long. She should have sided with Ronan back at Monmouth. But like the saying went, hindsight was 20/20. "Where are we all going to sit in that thing?" she wondered aloud.   
  
Adam shrugged. "Noah's gone," he said.   
  
"Figures." Ronan booted the Pig's back tire and grinned when Gansey glared at him from over the tow truck driver's shoulder.   
  
Somehow Blue ended up in Gansey's lap—trying not to touch too much, relishing every hint of contact anyway. His breath was heavy in her ear, his fingertips like red hot points of electricity with every brush of skin. Adam and Ronan were crushed together next to them. They looked more comfortable than she was, than Gansey felt beneath her, coiled and ready to spring. She leaned back and rested her head against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her waist. This was safe. Allowed. Hiding in plain sight.   
  
Ronan helped her down out of the truck at the garage. The look he gave her said I know, but he didn't utter a single word. He patted her on the top of the head when she thanked him, and she pushed him hard enough that he stumbled into Gansey.   
  
Inside, Ronan stood close to Adam and bought handfuls of jellybeans and chocolate covered peanuts out of the vending machines while Gansey was off speaking with the head mechanic. Adam stared listlessly at a stained wall and opened his mouth every once in a while to allow Ronan to pop a candy in, which Ronan did with greater frequency when Adam showed no sign of telling him to stop.   
  
Blue sat and sipped water from a cone-shaped paper cup. Everything smelled of oil and other car fluids. She found she was beginning to like that particular series of smells.   
  
"Bad news." Gansey returned looking forlorn. He had one hand in the pocket of his chinos, the other played with the expensive watch on his wrist. "They say they can't get the part in for a few days. So either we try to find a hotel until then, or we call someone—"  
  
"Not fucking Declan," Ronan said between clenched teeth. "Not again."  
  
"Fine, I won't call Declan."  
  
"I'll call my mom, but I don't think the car would make it here. Maybe Mr. Gray..." Blue shook her head. She didn't really want to ask him.   
  
"It's fine." Gansey rubbed a hand over his forehead. "We can look into a hotel and I'll call around. Maybe we can get a rental car in a nearby town or something. There aren't any rental companies in the village, or so Bruce informed me."   
  
One of the mechanics came around the corner with a cordless phone clutched in his hand, muffling the receiver against his filthy coveralls. Blue could make out the first three letters of the name sewn onto the fabric at his chest. BRU. "Amelia over at the Ambassador has a room," he told Gansey.   
  
" _A_ room? We need at least two." Gansey looked helplessly between the four of them.   
  
The mechanic shrugged. "You're lucky to find one, what with the motocross so close by this weekend. I'd take it if I were you, kid."   
  
Gansey looked at Blue. He nodded absentmindedly and held out his hand for the phone.   
  
*  
  
"This place is a fucking dump." Ronan sounded almost gleeful when he informed them of this. He threw himself back onto one of the two double beds. It creaked under his weight and Blue thought she saw dust billow from the dated floral bedspread.   
  
"I'll call around for a rental car," Gansey said, his lip curled and nostrils slightly flared. "Or maybe Helen could bring us back to Henrietta because this is—"  
  
"Fine," Adam said. "This is fine. You said Helen was in New York this weekend, remember? We can manage for a night here, surely. It's not like Monmouth is any cleaner than this."  
  
Blue pulled open the door of the ancient mini-fridge. "At least we can keep our snacks far away from the toilet."   
  
Gansey sighed. He inspected the second bed before sitting gingerly on the edge. "I suppose." He pocketed his phone. "We should find somewhere to eat then, and toothbrushes." He looked around the room. " _Ambassador_ ," he muttered under his breath.   
  
*  
  
There was a small diner a short walk from the motel. They chose a booth by the windows, the torn vinyl seats squeaking as they slid in. Blue ended up next to Adam, Gansey directly across from her. Ronan glowered in the opposite corner, picking through the dish of sugar packets and creamers next to the salt and pepper shakers. He ripped open several packets of sugar at once and poured them into his mouth.   
  
The waitress came by with four tattered menus. She was so distracted by Ronan that she knocked Blue's fork onto the floor. Gansey shook his head at her flustered apology and gave her an apologetic smile.   
  
The waitress was pretty. Around their age with blond hair and a deep dimple in her right cheek. Blue bit the inside of her mouth and mentally chided herself for the burning feeling in her stomach at Gansey's smile.   
  
After they placed their orders, the table fell into silence. A minute later, the pretty waitress was back with their drinks and a new fork for Blue. Gansey smiled at her again as she walked away.   
  
Blue shredded her paper napkin into long, thin pieces, cursing her stupid feelings. Gansey's foot found hers under the table, firm and purposeful. She stopped tearing and swallowed. He was rubbing a thumb over his bottom lip. She wanted to do it for him.   
  
"So... where are we all going to sleep?" Adam asked. The casualness of the question seemed forced. He stirred the ice cubes in his drink around with the straw.   
  
Gansey met everyone's eyes in turn. "We should definitely let Jane have one of the beds—"   
  
Ronan cut across him. "Why? She takes up the least amount of space!"  
  
"Be a gentleman, Lynch."  
  
Adam made a face. "Keep dreaming, Gansey."   
  
"Fuck you, Parrish." Ronan pelted Adam with his empty sugar packets.   
  
Blue rolled her eyes. "I don't mind sharing with one of you. Really. Don't get into a stupid fight on my behalf."   
  
"Well, it should be your choice then, Jane. That seems fair."   
  
Ronan took the straw out of his soda and tipped the glass up to his lips. He drank it down in two long gulps. Adam watched him, still stirring his ice cubes around. Neither of them objected to Gansey's suggestion, so Blue assumed they were okay with it.    
  
But who _should_ she choose? Adam was a definite no. With their history it was far too awkward. And Gansey... he stared at her, his pretty hazel eyes saying both _pick me_ and _don't pick me_ in equal measure. Gansey was trouble waiting to happen. Trouble in the form of wandering hands and roaming mouths. She couldn't pick Gansey. Especially not with the others in the room. No matter how much she wanted to.   
  
That left only one choice. She really wished Noah were there. She wanted to pick Noah.   
  
"Ronan. I'll share with Ronan."   
  
Gansey looked a little wounded, but he hid it quickly. He clapped his hands together as if to say it was a done deal.   
  
Ronan met Blue's eyes. "You don't have some weird crush on me, do you? Because I can tell you right now, that's never happening," he said.   
  
She snorted a laugh. "Um, no. I picked you because I'm the _least_ attracted to you."  
  
He tilted his head to the side and nodded once. "That makes a strange sort of sense."  
  
"I am nothing if not sensible. But I'm warning you—I can't promise that you won't wake up with me spooning you in the middle of the night regardless. I move around a lot and latch on to the nearest source of heat."   
  
"If you touch me, I'm dreaming you a straightjacket, maggot." 

*

The worst thing about bed time was trying to decide how little to wear. Blue worried over it for a long time, while the boys took turns in the small, dingy bathroom. Ronan did not share Blue's concern over proper sleep attire. He stripped off to his tiny black boxer briefs and starfished across their bed, face buried in both pillows. She was tempted to take the time and his position to study his tattoo, since she'd never had the chance before, but instead she smacked his arm and told him to move over. He rolled onto his side and peeked at her one-eyed.   
  
"You're not wearing fifteen layers of raggedy clothes to bed, are you? I won't molest you in your sleep, for fuck's sake. Get undressed."     
  
She fingered her three tops, looking down at herself. Adam wasn't paying attention. He had his eyes closed and was cuddled into the blankets, probably already halfway to dreamland. Quickly, before Gansey could emerge from the bathroom, she pulled two of her tank tops over her head and shucked off her skirt and tights. Her remaining tank was long enough to cover her underwear anyway, she told herself, and dove under the blankets while Ronan laughed at her.   
  
Safely hidden under the blankets, she unhooked her bra and slid it through the armholes of her shirt. She flung it to the floor with the rest of her discarded clothes, where it landed directly on Gansey's feet.   
  
"Erm..." he said.   
  
Ronan laughed harder. Adam launched a pillow, hitting Ronan in the face. Smiling, Ronan tucked it under his head, ignoring Adam's request to have it back.   
  
Gansey's face was red. "Goodnight, Jane," he said quietly.   
  
"Goodnight," Blue replied. "Sorry about the..."  
  
He shrugged, smiling, and climbed into bed next to Adam. At that moment, Blue was even more jealous of Adam than she'd been of the pretty waitress.  
  
*  
  
"Can't sleep either?" She'd been staring at Gansey and Adam, curled toward each other in the centre of their bed, but she'd given it up and flipped over to find Ronan's eyes all but glowing in the light of the moon shining through the crack in the curtains.   
  
Ronan shifted, flopping over onto his stomach. He propped his face up on a pillow. She could only see one eye now, the dark slant of his eyebrow above it. "I don't sleep much when there are other people nearby." His voice was a harsh whisper. "Never know what I might conjure."  
  
"If you could conjure me some Cheetos it would be much appreciated. I'm feeling kinda snacky."   
  
He huffed, something like a laugh, and tapped his fingers on the headboard. "What about you? You were staring pretty hard before. Do those two round out your dream threesome or something?"   
  
" _Funny_. I was just jealous of the fact that they seem to be sleeping so soundly. Unfair."  
  
"Uh-huh."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Why didn't you just pick Gansey? I know you wanted to. I know he wanted you to. Just give in."  
  
"I can't just _give in_ , jackass. It's not that simple."   
  
His teeth shone in the moonlight, delighted that he'd gotten her to admit something. "Why isn't it that simple? You want to climb him, he wants you to climb him. Get climbing."  
  
"Full of class, aren't you?" She sighed, rolling over onto her stomach to mimic Ronan's position. "Were you disappointed? That I didn't pick Gansey, I mean? Left you alone, sort of, with Adam?"   
  
She expected him to be flippant, to make some crass joke about threesomes again, but instead he ran a hand over the back of his neck and rolled over onto his side so they were closer together. His voice was quieter when he replied. "I probably would have slept on the floor."  
  
"Why? Would you have slept on the floor if you'd been paired with Gansey?"  
  
"No."   
  
"Wh—"  
  
"I don't _like_ Gansey that way. I don't—I wouldn't want him to ever be uncomfortable. If I touched him accidentally. If he didn't want me to. I—"   
  
"Ronan, he doesn't care. Wait, that was the wrong wording. I mean, he _does_ care. He would never—"  
  
"Well, we don't know that for sure. And it's not fair of me. So I just... I just would have slept on the floor."   
  
It was silent after that. Ronan watched the other bed, Gansey and Adam breathing evenly, peaceful. Blue closed her eyes and concentrated on the steady rhythm of them, of all of them. Ronan's breaths matched the other boys. Blue felt out of synch.   
  
"So why didn't you want to share one of these lumpy beds with Gansey, exactly?" Ronan said in his husky whisper.   
  
"I didn't want things to—I didn't want to do things. I'm not—God, I can't talk about this."   
  
"Things? _Things_ with me and Adam right here in the same room? Scandalous."  
  
"Shut up."   
  
"It's not just the kiss curse thing, is it? Because you can do a lot of _things_ besides kissing."   
  
"You _know_ about that?"   
  
She could feel the bed shift when Ronan shrugged. "Don't tell Noah things you don't want me to know.... Did you really make out with him? Was it weird?"  
  
"Oh my _god_. If you want to know so bad, why don't you try it out yourself? I'm sure he'd agree to it since you're super secret confidants."  
  
Ronan laughed deeply and flicked at her hair. "You're weird," he said. Blue had been called the very same over and over throughout her life, but no one had ever made it sound like a compliment before. "You're like an annoying little sister I was too lazy to dream."   
  
"Huh," she said. "That's almost sweet."  
  
He played with her hair some more and she shut her eyes again. "So, Gansey," he said once she'd been petted into a false sense of security. "You were watching him sleep before."   
  
"So, Adam. You were watching _him_ sleep before."   
  
Ronan sighed and tried to tuck her hair behind her ear. "We're fucking pathetic," he said.   
  
"Nah." She caught his fingers with hers and gave them a quick squeeze. "We're awesome. Especially me."   
  
Ronan did his huff-laugh again and flipped over, the mattress squeaking as he settled in with his back to her. "Keep telling yourself that."   
  
She watched his back for a moment and listened to Gansey breathing behind her. She was tempted to turn over and look at him one more time before trying for sleep again.   
  
"Hey, Ronan?"   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"I'm going to spoon you now."   
  
He sighed, sounding put upon. "If you must."   
  
She snuggled up behind him, burrowing her face into the solid expanse of his back.   
  
*  
  
Blue woke up the next morning, splayed across Ronan's bare chest, sure there were eyes on her. But when she managed to un-crust her own eyes, nobody was there.   
  
The shower was running in the bathroom, but the fourth body was glaringly absent from the room.   
  
Ronan stretched beneath her, yawning, and she shuffled to the side, still groggy. The bed shifted and squeaked as he crawled out of it, stretching again above her.   
  
"You make ungodly noises when you do that," she said around a yawn.   
  
Something cold and crinkly fell onto the top of her head. "Your Cheetos," Ronan said, and sauntered over to the mini fridge in nothing but his underwear.   
  
Gansey came into the room, carrying takeout boxes and plastic bottles of juice. He looked refreshed, his hair still damp from a shower. "Would it kill you to put some clothes on, man?" he said to Ronan, then began to unload their breakfast onto the small corner table. "I met a man at the diner. He said there are really nice hiking trails, so I thought we could do that while we're waiting for the Pig. What do you think?"   
  
He seemed slightly manic, smiling at everyone. Adam emerged from the bathroom half-dressed with dripping hair and stole a slice of toast off of the pile Gansey was arranging on a paper plate. It kept getting taller and taller. "You okay?" Adam asked.   
  
Gansey gave him a look and Blue cursed her distraction. Ronan had snuck into the bathroom. She threw herself back onto the bed. "What are we doing when?" she asked, words half-slurred.   
  
"Hiking, Jane," Gansey replied, and clapped his hands together. "It's a beautiful day."   
  
She groaned.   
  
Gansey remained slightly manic throughout the morning. It took a lecture about coniferous trees not originally native to the area to make her corner him and find out why.   
  
"What's going on with you today?"  
  
"Nothing. Nothing at all."  
  
"Gansey, I'm not an idiot. You're acting all falsely bright and jumpy. Even Ronan is giving you weird looks. And squirrels. Both Ronan and squirrels think you're being weird."  
  
He ran a hand through his hair and looked away toward the treetops. Blue gave him a moment, watching Adam and Ronan throw stones into a nearby stream.   
  
"You're going to get angry with me if I tell you," Gansey finally said.   
  
"Why would I be angry?"  
  
"This morning I was _uncomfortable_." He exhaled loudly and stepped back and forth between the tree roots. "Call a spade and spade," he said quietly to himself, and then at normal level, "No, I was _jealous_. Seeing you and Ronan... I told you you wouldn't like what I had to say."   
  
"Why would you be—"  
  
"He's Ronan. And he was practically naked and you were cuddling with him. I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous."   
  
"Gansey, you know Ronan doesn't like me that way, right?"  
  
"Of course. He likes Adam." His eyes widened and he snapped his mouth shut.   
  
"You knew that? How long have you known?"   
  
"Well, I didn't. I _shouldn't_ know. He didn't tell me, so..."  
  
"Oh god, you heard us last night, didn't you? You weren't asleep."  
  
He shook his head.   
  
"Adam?"   
  
He shook his head again.   
  
"Oh no."   
  
*  
  
The part for the Pig didn't show up. They had all known there was a good chance that it might not, but were still disappointed to be spending another night in a dodgy motel in the middle of nowhere.   
  
After another meal at the diner, they walked around the village, looking for somewhere to buy a change of clothing. Clean underwear and socks at the very least.   
  
Blue found a pack of stripey Hanes and a matching bra at a discount store while Gansey poked around the maps and Adam and Ronan lurked in a far corner, talking in low voices. She tried to sneak up to the cash, but Gansey met her halfway and tossed her undergarments into his basket with a random assortment of stuff that included a keychain shaped like the state of Florida.   
  
"Ronan," Gansey said by way of explanation. "And this is my fault, so don't complain about my buying this stuff."   
  
Blue shrugged. "Fine." And she added a Twix to the mess of junk food, clothing, toiletries and cheap souvenirs. Gansey winked at her.   
  
"We're changing places tonight," Adam said, coming around a rack of greeting cards, Ronan at his heels. He tapped a pack of men's Hanes against his forearm.   
  
"Tighty whities," Ronan muttered derisively.   
  
Adam turned to him. "That's all they have. Would you rather wear the same ones for three, maybe even _four_ straight days?"    
  
Ronan made a face and picked up a card that read, _Our Condolences_.   
  
Adam added the underwear to Gansey's basket. "Ronan and I are bunking together tonight," he said, finishing his earlier thought. "Okay, Blue?"   
  
Gansey checked the time on his watch. He wouldn't look at her. She nodded. "Fine, yeah. That's okay."   
  
She looked at Ronan. He was shaking up a snow globe. Adam was the only one who didn't seem ruffled. He smelled a basket of flowers, a slight smile on his lips, and led the way to the checkout.   
  
*  
  
"Home shit home," Ronan said when Gansey let them into their room. Someone had been in to tidy. The beds were made and there were fresh towels stacked on a chair.   
  
Ronan threw himself onto the bed by the window. "I need a beer. Give me twenty minutes and I'll hook you all up with fake IDs."   
  
"I'm exhausted," Adam said. Blue didn't think she had ever heard him admit as much aloud. "Let's just go to bed." He grabbed one of the new towels and wandered into the bathroom.   
  
Blue thought she heard Ronan mutter _fuck_ under his breath. He rolled over onto his front and smashed his head into the pillows three times.   
  
"I call the shower after Adam is finished," Blue said. "I feel like I've been rolling around in dirt all day."   
  
No one objected. When Adam emerged in a T-shirt and what Blue assumed were the dreaded tighty whities, she grabbed a towel and popped into the bathroom.   
  
The boys were all in their respective beds when she returned. Adam and Ronan appeared to be asleep, curled on the far side. There was enough space behind them for another body, they were so close together. When she saw Gansey watching her from beneath the covers of the second bed, she almost chickened out and joined Adam and Ronan.   
  
Gansey was playing with his phone. Blue crawled into bed next to him. "Not tired?" she asked in a quiet voice.   
  
He shook his head. Blue stared at the phone in his hand, the weak light illuminating his face. "We could make a blanket fort," she said, then reached out and snatched the phone with a grin before burrowing under the covers.   
  
*  
  
They shared a pack of Twizzlers, hidden under the blankets using Gansey's phone as a nightlight. They poked their heads out periodically to be sure they weren't waking Adam and Ronan. They seemed fine. Blue wasn't sure they were even asleep, but Adam was draped over Ronan and neither of them was making a peep.   
  
"Adam doesn't strike me as the cuddly octopus type," she whispered as she ducked back under the blankets.   
  
"He's really not." Gansey slid the empty Twizzlers pack out of their nest and onto the floor.   
  
"Trying to prove a point?"  
  
Gansey shrugged. "Maybe." There was a soft, wet smacking, followed by another longer sound. Gansey's eyes widened. "Or maybe not," he mouthed.   
  
"They're _kissing_ ," Blue mouthed back.   
  
Gansey stuck his lip out. "Not fair," he whispered.   
  
"You can go join them if you want."  
  
"I doubt they would appreciate the intrusion, and that's not really what I had in mind."  
  
Blue shrugged and ran her fingers over the wrinkles in the sheet between them. They looked strange, like zebra's stripes in the light of Gansey's phone. "We could do other things, maybe."  
  
"What other things?" Gansey was watching her hands when she looked up. The blankets flattened his hair into a messy flop and his eyebrows were straight and serious. Maybe even the slightest bit worried.   
  
Blue ran a hand up his bare arm and tapped her fingers on the seam of his shirt. "You could lose this, maybe?"   
  
He sat up straight, wrestling the T-shirt over his head. The blankets slipped down and Blue shot a hand out to keep them concealed, to keep the light inside their makeshift blanket tent.   
  
Gansey seemed nervous; his hands twitched when he came back to rest, shirtless, on the bed.   
  
"Hold the blankets," she told him, then sat up herself. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She could do this. She probably shouldn't, but she was going to anyway. She crossed her arms over her chest and gripped the bottom of her tank top, sliding it up and off of her torso.   
  
She heard Gansey exhale and suck in another breath. " _Blue_."   
  
Before she could let her nerves take over, she shuffled forward until they were chest to chest. She ran her arms up and under Gansey's and splayed her palms across his back. He wound his arms around her in return and rested his cheek against her hair.   
  
She could feel him against her thigh, hard and wanting. She had never thought about it in any concrete way, sex and bodies and wanting to do anything more than kiss and hold hands. Until there was Gansey in his car in the dark and kisses that weren't kisses. She'd wanted to straddle him then, crawl into his lap and rock against him. Now she wanted that even more.   
  
She inched her body downward and threw a leg around his hip. " _Jesus_ ," he groaned. "I thought— You said you didn't want to do things, when you were talking to Ronan last night."  
  
"No. I didn't want to _want_ to do things... I— Should we stop?"  
  
"Probably." He pulled her closer. The want so was addictive, almost painful in its way. She tightened her leg around his hip and he gasped.   
  
The hard, hot press of him against her made her throb. She could feel his heart beating fast at her chest. "Okay?" he whispered.   
  
"Yeah."   
  
He rubbed his nose along the shell of her ear.   
  
"Gansey?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
 _I love you._ "I've never done this before."   
  
"Neither have I."   
  
His hands, so soft and gentle, stroked her bare back, cupping her shoulder blades, his fingertips catching the short strands of hair at her neck.   
  
_I love you, god help me. You can't leave._   
  
"Blue?"  
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"Do you have any idea how much I—"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Good."   
  
*  
  
In the morning, Adam was the only person in the room still wearing a shirt, but Ronan's hands were snaked up the back of it. Adam was draped across Ronan's chest, one of Ronan's legs hitched over Adam's hip, foot resting on his tighty whitey clad butt.   
  
"Gansey, where's your phone?"   
  
"Way ahead of you, Jane," he replied. He snapped a few pictures with a grin, and then tucked himself back under the blankets, curling around Blue. The warmth and softness of his skin felt delicious.   
  
"We could just stay here," she said.   
  
"For now," Gansey said. He rubbed his nose against hers. "For now."  
  
  


 


End file.
